My Autobiography-Introduction

Please check out my Blog for sarcasm, giggles, and grins

https://patfish.blogspot.com 

Chapter Titles for my autobiography

 So the time has begun for me to begin writing my autobiography. I state this because my life has changed greatly recently, to the better I might add.

 Allow me to set up several caveats before I begin telling the story of my life.

 First caveat…there is nothing superior, exceptional, beyond average, about my life. I lived a good life, mostly, but yon reader’s life was probably just as good as mine. In fact, I’d suggest that yon reader not read this at all EXCEPT if you are a child, grandchild or descendant of a sort of mine that might be interested for the genetics of all.

 In fact, that is why I am writing it. Everybody should write their autobiography. Wouldn't yon reader have liked to read an autobiography written by your grandmother?

 If I still have your attention, just to give a sort of over-view of my life, I will provide a list of possible chapter titles. Thus yon readers, I dunno, you might to read whatever is the subject.

 For example, here is such an example of a potential chapter title….”My House Once Completely Burned to the Ground”.

 Somebody out there might want to read this chapter, which is true, because…..well it’s interesting, no?

 Below, more autobiographic potential chapter titles:

 “The Five Best Things I Ever Did In My Life”

 “The Five Worst Things I Ever Did In My Life”

 …..bear in mind, I stipulated “potential titles”. Not sure if I’m willing to tabulate the bad things I ever did.

 “Born To Be A Blogger”

 “Canned Tomatoes On a Farm and Made Wonderful Apple Pies-All At Age Twelve”

 “Never Won Any Court Case In My Life”….Judges Hated Me. Surely yon reader would be curious as to why Judges hated me….but that will be in the book. I was once hired by a rent management agency and replaced the employee who attended all evictions one time. That Judge despised me so much, he told me to sit down and shut up. That rental agency moved me off of that assignment the next day as all of our evictions were overturned by that hateful Judge.

 …..And I guess something that I did.

 “Was Obsessed With My Weight My Whole Life”. Which might be because I am fat.

 “Lived Most of My Life With Two Identities,.” …It’s complicated. But very true. I loved my alter-ego, although he didn’t know I existed.

 …Well there’s plenty more but I begin that the world may know my life. A lot of funny things happened to me in my life. Laugh along with me.

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Chapter 2-I Am Born

I must emphasize here to  leave before boredom overtakes.

My life has never been especially exciting for exceptional.  But there are chapters that might capture an attention.  Thus I ask to please pay attention to the chapter titles as they will be posted on the sidebar to be ready to read such titles that may intrigue.

I remind that I am a good writer as I suggest modestly, although more of a social media writer.  But the humor of the masses grows within me and I like to consider myself a Blogging Erma Bombeck.

So this chapter involved details of my birth and it’s not very interesting.  I was born in Baltimore, Maryland, on June 26, 1950.  My mother tells me I was almost born in the elevator and this makes me smirk.

My family lived in what we then called in Baltimore “the projects”, which was government housing on the cheap.  I attended St. James Catholic School up until the third grade.

My biggest memory about the projects was Hurricane Agnes.  Read the history books, it was a horrible storm.  Or maybe because I was  only 5 years old at the time does it present such an awful memory. 

At around 3^rd grade my life began to go all over the place.  My father was a carpenter.  He would wake up in the morning, decide we needed another bedroom, and by the end of the day it was done.

We stop here and discuss people close and influential in our lives.  I would say my father was probably the biggest influence in my life.  Not all of it was good.

But I will tell you one unusual  trait of my father’s that is very unusual in most normal human beings….THE MAN LOVED TO WORK!!!

Indeed.

Let me say that again in case you think you read wrong.

MY FATHER LOVED TO WORK!!!

In our lifetime we built four houses (one twice after it burned down once).  My father was a farmer for a while.  Then he became a crabber and sold fresh crabs.  All along he was a carpenter and built all manner of furniture, remodels and at times he repaired cars.

He was a very smart man but extremely cheap.  More on this later.

My father very much loved the women and there is something odd about my father’s anatomy, something he has one of where most men have two.  Something about having worms as a young child.  He and my mother had a terrible marriage, neither of them being faithful to each other.  There was a small period of time when my father would beat my mother.  One time I remember he threw her out the window.

At any rate, we end my formative years.  Now onto a wild and wooly life, including a friendship with Nancy Pelosi and an interview by Oprah Winfrey.